Hi, so I know that a lot of people following me just see a bunch of random rants and break downs, but don’t much of anything else. This is the first and last time I’m going to post a picture like this, because there are people I know following me and I don’t want this to really get around. The past is in the past now. These are some of my more visible scars, but there are countless more on my stomach and hips and other places. I’ve been in recovery on and off for almost 5 years now, but this time I really want to stick with it. I’m surrounded by a lot of really good people and I’ve been making a lot of changes. I’m going through an extremely rough patch right now, but I need to stay healthy for the people I love. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life and I need to start now if I want to recover for real. So if anyone sees this and wants someone to talk to, please message me. I swear to god I will listen, and I will love you, and cry with you, and laugh with you. Things might suck, but they will get better. And if they aren’t getting better, it’s your job to MAKE them better. Ok? Stay strong.
It infuriates me to see all these girls I’m following on here being so resigned. Like, “oh, my boyfriend doesn’t even like me, it’s okay I don’t like me either” or “I will never find love” “I’m not good enough” No, shut up. You are fabulous. You ARE good enough. You’re more than enough. Demand excellence. When someone is hurting you, don’t sit there and hold it inside, you fucking tell them. You fucking demand them to be better. Because you deserve better. Don’t you ever say that you deserve to suffer. What the fuck is that going to accomplish? Everyone suffers. Don’t accept that. Nobody is going to save you, boys aren’t going to sweep you up in their arms and carry you off into the sunset, you have to rescue yourself. You have to love yourself, because nobody else has to. Be the person you want to be. Don’t settle for ordinary. Be extraordinary.
I think that tattoos are so incredibly beautiful, when done right. They’re art, they’re expression, they’re life. The body is a sacred canvas, and when something is immortalized upon your skin, there are few things that can surpass its beauty.
I love my boyfriend so much:) He makes me so happy. I’ve never been so in love.
my dose has been upped and now i cant even keep my eyes open but woohoo i am feeling weirdly hyper and odd and what the fuck im going to the program now for the next few hours im glad i get to hang out with these kids who hear voices and have flashbacks lol what the fuck is my life why am i fucking insane.
My life is in technicolor right now. Everything I do is bolder, brighter, and more extreme than ever. I’m surrounded by these absolutely insane, vibrant people all day everyday, but it’s so fascinating. These disturbed teenagers are beautiful. And my boyfriend keeps me grounded. And my friends, while most don’t know where I am or what I’m going through, are lovely.
I hate the person you have become. I despise it with all that I am. How could such a genuine, caring, and real person transform into a materialistic airhead? I’m actually choked up right now because I feel like one of the best friends I’ve ever had no longer exists. Talking to you makes me cringe because the way you talk is so forced and unnatural. Stop trying to hide yourself under all these new masks, you aren’t fooling anyone.
I can’t stop torturing myself by reading and rereading all of the chats between him and other girls. Everytime I start to relax, I reread them and start shaking and puking and crying all over again. When will this stop hurting? When will I get over this?